The Angry Man

Yesterday an Angry man upset me.  A complete stranger yelled at me and made me cry.  I am in my 40's, this shouldn't still happen.

The Angry Man made me do some thinking.  My family think I am always grumpy.  I know I Yell too much.  But yelling is not acceptable.  Making someone feel bad is wrong.

I always got yelled at as a kid and I think that is why I can still be  brought to tears by words.  They hurt.  They undermine you.

Having kids is hard.  They challenge you in ways you never expect.  They throw curve balls and teach you things you never knew - like anaphylaxis and clefts.  They make you reach down into your soul and find strength, strength that you didnt know you even had.

As they grow the bar is always being raised.  A small child can be picked up and put in time out, not so with an adolescent.  My big boy is a gem.  He is good and kind and helpful - most of the time.  Which is a good thing as he is almost as big as me - and he is only 12.

My girls though, they are different, they push my buttons.  They fight, they dont do what they are asked, then I lose the plot and yell at them.  Sometimes I feel justified, coz when I yell they actually listen and stop being annoying and do what I asked.  Sometimes I yell really loud.  But this is no way to live.  This is not the relationship I want with my children.

I dont want to be the Angry Man.  I dont want to yell at my kids any more.  And I certainly dont want to ever yell at a complete stranger, just because they did something I didnt like.

I am determined to yell less, but it is hard. 24 hours later and I have already yelled at Emma.  I apologised straight away.  But she can be so frustrating.  10 years old and already hitting puberty.  Thinking she knows better than the rest of us.  It is hard.  I have to reach down and find some more strength so I can get us through this stage.

It is funny as they grow, different things become important.  And as parents we have to change to grow with them.  We have to show them right from wrong, good from bad, real from false.  We have to mould ourselves to make sure we send them on the right path.  And for me that means stopping the yelling and finding a new way to make them do what they need to do.

So no more the Angry Mum for me.  I know it wont be easy but it has to happen.

So in a weird sort of way, thank you Angry Man for making me cry.  Thank you for making me wake up to what I was doing to my precious babies.  And making me want to change my ways.  I hope I dont meet you again, but you have left a mark on me.

Barbs x.

PS - I love the kids candid self portraits!