Hello again

It has been a long time since I wanted to share things here.

Things have been ticking over so nicely over the last few years with Emma that I had reached point where I didn't really have a lot to say.

But that has all changed.  I guess that is the thing with allergies.  You think you know what you are dealing with and wham! something new happens.

Em is 12 now and hitting the turbulent years of puberty.  Puberty is well known in the allergy world as a time when things can change, you can grow out of allergies - YAY.  Not so good it seems for Em is that you can also grow into them.....

Yup another allergy.  Whilst not yet clinically diagnosed (waiting for the appointment at Starship) our GP has agreed with our self diagnosis that something we have been giving her is causing the chronic flare in her eczema.  I was hoping it would be something easy, but unfortunately all the signs are pointing at it being wheat :-(.

So our new journey is slowly taking off.  Today I am starting her on a wheat free diet.

I've found lots of information on feeding littlies on a very restricted diet, but not much info on what to do with an almost teenager eliminating all Nuts, dairy, eggs, shellfish, sesame, kiwifruit, most soy products and now wheat.  What am I gonna feed the girl for school lunches?

So today I sent her off with what looks like a kindergarten snack, not an intermediate lunch, but she was happy.  Her belly full of porridge with blueberries and coconut cream and the promise of a baked potato for afternoon tea.

Blueberry porridge is one of her favourite starts to the day - this is half eaten before I remembered to take a photo.

Corn thins with olivani & marmite, Chicken strips, bluebird potato chips, peaches in mango jelly and fresh strawberries.

I dont think she will be impressed when she gets home starving, but every other option was turned down by her.  She will learn me thinks.

Tender Hooks

Life as the parent of an allergy kid is tough.

Whenever she is not with me I worry.  Not just normal parenting worry that I have with the other 2, but a real gut wrenching worry.

Last friday I got a missed call on my cell phone from her school.  I went into instant panic mode, replaying scenarios in my head and trying to figure out how to respond before I called them back.  There was a picture in my mind of her all puffy and wheezy and the office staff not knowing what to do.  Of course it was nothing really, just a confusion as she had had water polo training before school.  She was fine.

Saturday was one of the local school fairs and little sister was dancing on the stage.  Emma just wanted to hang out with her friends.  Lots of new friends this year.  She is at Intermediate.  Kids that dont know her history, one old friend with her who does.  She comes up to me and says she wants to pop down to town with her friends.  She has her bag with her and she knows her rules.  I let her go with them for one whole hour, not knowing whether she will keep herself safe or not.  The only rule was to stay with the old friend the whole time.  The old friends Dad collected her and took her home.  She was fine.  I felt like I couldn't breathe for the whole time she was doing her own thing.

Today I sent her and her younger sister off on a run - big sister looking after little sister and helping her train for the triathlon.  Little sister was streets ahead.  Where was the allergy kid?  Lying on the pavement having an allergic reaction?  And no-one noticing? There is this new theory about exercise induced anaphylaxis, could this be what she was having?  And hang on a minute it was only 1/2 an hour ago that she ate - O.M.G... Hang on, her emergency kit is in the car.  So should I run back to the car and drive around the block?  Should I get little sister with boundless energy to run around the block again to look for her?  What should I do?  And then she walks around the corner, holding her side - Stitch - too much afternoon tea....  All my panic for nothing, again.

I thought being the parent of an allergy kid was hard before.  When she was little I could control everything.  The teachers knew her well, as did the office staff and the principal.  I knew the parents of her friends.  That has all changed now.  Her teacher knows her, but not the office staff.  And that is despite me going in and introducing her to them at the start of the term.

She now wants to go to the park and to peoples houses who I dont know and it is tearing my heart in two.  I dont want to stop her being a kid and I certainly dont want to stop her making new friends but I want to keep her safe.

It is time to let her take some control over her life and learn to make choices - both right and wrong.  And I have to hope that all the work we have put in over the last 11 1/2 years will make her choose the correct options.

I have to trust her to keep herself safe.

The trouble is a really wrong choice could kill her.

So maybe for the rest of my life, I will be on tender hooks.

Growing Up

Today my big boy started high school.

It is hard to believe that this is the same little boy I held for the first time 13 1/2 years ago.  This sweet baby who needed me to do everything.

hmm this is the youngest I could find, him holding his little sister, the others are all on film!!!!!

So much has changed.

He messaged his friends to walk to school together.  There was no way I was allowed to go up today.  I had to give him his space.  This is something he has to do by himself.  When Hubby and I joked about going up with him, his answer was "That would be SO embarrassing Mum!"

His main concern was whether his best friends will be in his class or not.  We live in a small community and about 90% of his intermediate school head off to the same high school.  He will know plenty of people.

I am finding today almost as hard as the first day of school.  I hope he has had a good day, I hope he found his friends at break time, I hope he doesnt get lost (its a much bigger campus than intermediate), I hope his form teacher is nice, I hope he has friends in his class, I hope he wants to go back tomorrow.

It is hard not being there with him.  Cutting those apron strings all the way through.  I told him he has to walk straight home because I need to know everything about it.  But I guess I'm going to have to get used to him heading off on his own more and more.  The teenage years, although kinda terrifying in some ways, are also so exciting.  There are so many new opportunities for him.  And at the end of the day, I will be here for him whenever he needs me (which better be pretty often :-) )

Good luck my big boy, I hope you had a great day.

The times they are a-changing.......

In the beginning there was a kid full of eczema and allergies.

That girl is now a full blown tween-ager and heading off to intermediate next year.

Her big brother is a handsome teenager and heading off to Grammar.

The cute little sister is going to be a senior at Primary school.

Change is good.  I am loving that my kids are growing up, finishing chapters in their lives and about to open new ones.  Ones with new challenges, new friends, new activities.

Things can never stay the same.

Things that seemed certain just a wee while ago are now uncertain.

Friends that you always thought would last the distance have a hiccup that who knows how long will last.

The healthy child suddenly has something go wrong with him.

Love that the music blasting around our house is Taylor Swift, Lorde, One Direction, Stan Walker, and lots of other current hits that I can enjoy as well.

No longer the Wiggles or High 5.

The girls old enough for me to take them to their first rock concert (Well actually just barely old enough), but what a blast.

And that finally there is a product on the market to make summer fun for my allergy kid - I cant believe she can now join us when we eat ice-cream (Ice blocks just dont cut it really)

Thank you Tommy and James - their Nice Cream is dairy and soy free, made from coconut cream.  The chocolate one is oh so rich and chocolatey - it just may be my new favourite for the summer too.

Linking up with Things I'm loving for the first time in a long time (coz this is my first post in a long time)

A long time between posts or an ode to my hubby

Hi

This year started off full of promise as all years do, however we knew at the start of the year that this one would be sad.  On June 12th my gorgeous mother-in-law lost her battle with cancer.  A battle that had consumed my husband for much of the last 18 months.  My MIL had decided long ago that she wanted to stay at home until the end.  And my wonderful husband, who can work from absolutely anywhere, decided that he could help his mum attain her last wish in her last days.  So for much of this year I have been solo parenting whilst hubby spent time in Raglan with his mum.  He pretty much nursed her for the last 6 weeks of her life.  He left us on ANZAC day, a day that is particularly special to his mum, as she was a WRAC during the second world war and only returned home for a brief respite until after her funeral.  He thanks me for running the home through this time, but really it is him that needs the praise.  There aren't many men who would drop everything and go and look after their parent.  But things are different for my hubby.  His dad passed when hubby was only 7 and his dad only 56, his mum had celebrated her 90th birthday last november.  His mum was an amazing lady and I would never, ever change the decisions that were made that meant he could look after her.  Hubby missed out on a lot this year with us and I missed out on a lot too, but what he gained and our children gained by what he did is irreplaceable.

So this year really has been tough for me.  Maybe tougher than I let on to most people.  Things have slipped at home, read total pigsty :-( , read routines that were shaky at the best of times turned to mush, read kids not achieving as well as they should do, read not in a good space at all, read maybe more wine has been drunk and more chocolate has been eaten than is really good for you, read too much computer and tv and not enough connecting, read takeaways happening too often and no healthy eating.  Yup it has been a rubbish year so far.

But here we are at the end of the school holidays in which we have all been sick.  Our delightful Emma brought the cold virus home on the last day of term and kindly shared with the rest of us (except Bear, who had surgery on her ear in the last week of term and made a remarkable recovery and avoided the cold).

So this weekend we went down to Raglan and had an amazing time.  We went for long walks each day and talked, we started to connect again.  And this term we are getting back into our routines, we are getting back into our jobs, and hopefully, we will start achieving again.  And maybe I'll start getting back into my blog.

Thanks for reading

Barbs X.

Loving....Late summer days

I cant believe just how beautiful it is today, after a week of rain, soup and heaters, today was gorgeous.

We took the opportunity to take the dog (who was so fed up with rain and not getting out for his good runs) down to the beach.

Now I think I live in just about the most perfect spot in the city.  At low tide, you can walk the whole way from NarrowNeck beach to Takapuna and that is just what we did.  Walking in the sun, looking out to Rangitoto with numerous yachts in the channel.  Yep, just perfect.

And I just love the rock formations around the beach here.  Forgot my camera but got a few shots on my phone.

Such fun to blow away all the cobwebs that had grown over the last few weeks.

Also loving the fun between big brother and little sister.

Thanks for reading.

Linking up with Things Im Loving this week

Barbs x.

It's so much harder with allergies

"It's so much harder with allergies"

That's what my 12 year old son said this morning.  

I was preparing them to go to the movies by themselves whilst I popped into work for a couple of hours (just a couple of minutes walk from the theatre).

They packed snack packs to eat and took water bottles.  I asked Dan if he knew what to do in case Emma had a reaction.  He got a real concerned look on his face.  I know the chances of her having a reaction were minimal, the food I packed was all safe for her, but you can never be 100% sure that there hasn't been a slight cross contamination somewhere.   You can never guarantee  that people next to you aren't eating choc-nut icecreams (double bad for Emma) or just munching away on nuts.  I know the risk of anaphylaxis to this kind of exposure is minimal, but there is always a chance. You can never be 100% sure of her safety, never.

I went through the emergency process with him.  If she complains she cant breathe get her out of the theatre at once, give her the inhaler, lie her down, call me, check for hives and swelling, give the anapen if needed, get someone to call an ambulance.  He went through how to give her the anapen.  

After his initial shock at maybe having to deal with an allergic reaction, I was amazed at how much he actually knew.  

Emma was really frightened at the thought of having a reaction when I wasn't there and offered not to eat during the movie!  She did have some biscuits (least risk) in the end, but saved her crackers and lollies until I picked them up.  And she didn't have a reaction.

But it brings it home, the constant worry of having a reaction.  

Something as simple as a trip to the movies turns into something so much more.

12 year old's know things that most kids their age don't even have to think about.  But they are growing up.  They are cutting those apron strings.  They want to do things by themselves like their friends do.

And it is so much harder with allergies...

Thanks for Reading

Barbs x.

Determination

Who would have thought that three kids born to the same parents would be so very different.

My youngest never ceases to amaze me with her shear grit and determination to finish a task.

Today she wanted me to do a jigsaw with her, but I was kinda busy so I challenged her to do it all by herself.

Even though she got frustrated at times, she worked at it and completed it.  

Yup, she is so different from her siblings.

Barbs x.

Blog Lovin'

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A bit behind the times, I know, but you can now find me on Blog Lovin'....

ANZAC WEEKEND....

ANZAC day is pretty important to our family.  My mother-in-law was in the WRAC's in England during WW2, her father lost a leg in the first World War war. My parents were youngsters during the Second World War in England and have many stories to tell of a time which to us is incomprehensible. My brother served in the Australian Army for about 20 years I guess.  We live in Devonport, home to the NZ Navy and know many, many navy families.

This year we attended the Devonport parade and service and then today took a walk around North Head, through some of the tunnels and checking out some of the guns and thinking of those who gave their life for us.

 

We Will Remember Them.

Thanks for reading

Barbs x.

The Angry Man

Yesterday an Angry man upset me.  A complete stranger yelled at me and made me cry.  I am in my 40's, this shouldn't still happen.

The Angry Man made me do some thinking.  My family think I am always grumpy.  I know I Yell too much.  But yelling is not acceptable.  Making someone feel bad is wrong.

I always got yelled at as a kid and I think that is why I can still be  brought to tears by words.  They hurt.  They undermine you.

Having kids is hard.  They challenge you in ways you never expect.  They throw curve balls and teach you things you never knew - like anaphylaxis and clefts.  They make you reach down into your soul and find strength, strength that you didnt know you even had.

As they grow the bar is always being raised.  A small child can be picked up and put in time out, not so with an adolescent.  My big boy is a gem.  He is good and kind and helpful - most of the time.  Which is a good thing as he is almost as big as me - and he is only 12.

My girls though, they are different, they push my buttons.  They fight, they dont do what they are asked, then I lose the plot and yell at them.  Sometimes I feel justified, coz when I yell they actually listen and stop being annoying and do what I asked.  Sometimes I yell really loud.  But this is no way to live.  This is not the relationship I want with my children.

I dont want to be the Angry Man.  I dont want to yell at my kids any more.  And I certainly dont want to ever yell at a complete stranger, just because they did something I didnt like.

I am determined to yell less, but it is hard. 24 hours later and I have already yelled at Emma.  I apologised straight away.  But she can be so frustrating.  10 years old and already hitting puberty.  Thinking she knows better than the rest of us.  It is hard.  I have to reach down and find some more strength so I can get us through this stage.

It is funny as they grow, different things become important.  And as parents we have to change to grow with them.  We have to show them right from wrong, good from bad, real from false.  We have to mould ourselves to make sure we send them on the right path.  And for me that means stopping the yelling and finding a new way to make them do what they need to do.

So no more the Angry Mum for me.  I know it wont be easy but it has to happen.

So in a weird sort of way, thank you Angry Man for making me cry.  Thank you for making me wake up to what I was doing to my precious babies.  And making me want to change my ways.  I hope I dont meet you again, but you have left a mark on me.

Barbs x.

PS - I love the kids candid self portraits!